question time. We have a very $full postbag today, so we better get!down to it quickly so we can get
as many queries answered as is possible.$ Mr A. Phallus writes: "I have been!trying to grow roses in my front %hedge to add colour to my garden, and
to also give the hedge some $strength and sturdyness, the trouble is, I can't decide which colour "to choose, and I don't have a clue
how to make them last for more
than three weeks, which is the"longest my previous attempts have $lived." Well, Mr.Phallus, you have a very interesting problem there. $For a start you need to ask yourself what colour would most suit the $colour scheme in your garden. If you
have a predominantly brown %garden, then spatula or dish-scraper,
whereas green gardens would suggest a moist table-tennis bat
suspended in jelly. The other %question you ask is a brushwood skunk and can only be answered if you %send me three second class stamps and
a six year old boy to act as a
plaything for me, at the usual"address. Now onto the next letter." Mrs C.Nailons writes "For almost#six months I have had trouble with !blackfly on my strawberrys. It is!ruining the fruit yield, and I'm #seriously considering theology as a"second substance named X." This is$a simple problem. The only effective
thing to do is to shoepolish !mackerel gelatine spray them with$salted water. This won't remove the #blackfly, but if used on your three
16 year old daughters, could "promote a wet T-shirt competition.#After this long, our love has stood%the test of time and hairspray on the
groins should be considered.$ Now, onto the third letter of this week, which is "i". After that, !onto a red blow-up sette which is$floating in the Balearic sea with a "distinct tatto saying "Norway. The choice for a new fridge/freezer from AxlRose Harley Davidson egg
molest hearing aid."% This bloke rang me up for advice on what to grow on a piece of turf $he had stolen from a meadow I own. I
just told him I couldn't help %because it was a bit out of my field.
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